My Journey begins just shy of 47 years ago. I am not gonna take you all the way back there...yet. So, to introduce myself, I'm Sunny and one year ago on my 46th birthday I had a startling revelation. I am at my mid life, I am sick, I am overweight, I have no faith in anything that appears to be real and my whole world seems upside down. At 323 lbs, taking 2 blood pressure medications, the doctor trying to give me metformin ( the drug they use to treat diabetes), tired all the time, pregnant, being diagnosed with 4 anxiety disorders and all around dissatisfied, I wasn't sure if I wanted to just give up or keep going. Of course at that time I couldn't see the light in my life, I just saw the downside. My father died at 51, my mother died at 61 and this was gonna be my fate. I wallowed in that for a while and then thought "well, maybe I need some professional help". I did that, it didn't help, I was drowning with two children that were preteens and that wasn't even enough to save me. I am known for my strength, which anyone who overcomes a lot of obstacles knows people tend to think you're a brick castle, with a impenetrable wall with titanium reinforcements. But I was drowning in my own grief, regret, heartbreak, self loathing, isolated pond that I kept filling up.
I was so broken, and I realized it. I grew up in the baptist religion but had no internal sense of spirituality. I felt disconnected from anything and everything, including the person staring at me in the mirror. As I had many times before I decided I was going to dust myself off and move on, but I couldn't. I had so many things in my proverbial closet to deal with that the doors bust wide open. The only thing I could do at that time was deal with my own baggage. And this is my journey to build a better me and claim what is left of life and absolutely love it.
No comments:
Post a Comment